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Maybe we didn’t pine for each other or take off our pajamas for sex, but we still loved each other. “Nothing like this existed when we were single,” I said to Pete. The first step in the process was to set up our profiles, which we decided to do together.“Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how the world beyond marriage had changed? Unlike most of the activities we shared (laundry, taxes, attending birthday parties at inflatable bounce house venues), this turned out to be a lot of fun.For the first time in 16 years, men who were not my husband looked at me (or at least at pictures of me), and told me they liked what they saw.As a single woman, I might have rolled my eyes at their ogling. It reminded me of how tipsy I got from the first beer I drank after nine months of pregnancy abstention.

Perhaps, I thought, the less one needed from men, the more one could enjoy them. I was considering the proposal when he said that after dinner, he’d really like me to come with him to his hotel room. I kissed his forehead and his eyelids and felt grateful for him.I wondered if Tinder, which brought the world of dating within finger-tap distance, was accelerating the shift? A few days later, I asked my husband if he’d mind if the two of us set up profiles and tried out the app. “Just texting and chatting.” After a decade and a half together, we weren’t in any acute crisis.It seemed common knowledge that apps like Tinder had transformed single life and dating. We weren’t fighting constantly or sleeping in separate bedrooms.In the years since, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and talking and writing about marriage, and I’d begun to notice more and more women subverting, reimagining, or challenging received notions surrounding the institution, specifically when it came to monogamy.More women were beginning to see opening their marriages as a legitimate and in many ways appealing option.

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